Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
