Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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