She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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