so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
