the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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