Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
