I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
