Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
