Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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