my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
