This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
