4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
