i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
