Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
