you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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