I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
