you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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