don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
