another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
