Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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