Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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