how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
