This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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