Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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