You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
