Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
