dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
