hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
