but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
