omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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