some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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