I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
