I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
the liver wants what the liver wants
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
