Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Randomize
