dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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