I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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