I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
