..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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