I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
