I'm really into asian looking animals
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
