I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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