i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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