So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
