you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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