like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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