you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
don't judge my taste in strippers
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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