My liver just broke up with me...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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