ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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