I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
