All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
